The Science, Mathematics and Vocabulary of Summer

I have discovered during the intense parent child bonding session that is otherwise known as Summer Vacation that some basic principles of science and math apply to this time of year.  I have listed them here:

1) The relationship between the frequency of my children’s fights is inversely proportional to the start time of my cocktail hour.

2)  Terra Firma Syndrome:  A condition, aggravated by Summer, in which I seem to lose any ability to recall the last time my child has taken a bath.

3) Every particle of matter in a child attracts every particle of matter in their rooms with a force that is directly proportional to how clean I’m wanting to keep the house.

4)  Two children systems can remain in a suspended state of peace and equilibrium when combined with a third system, provided that the third system is Spongebob.

5) The probablility of the intersection of Event A:  Putting your children’s dinner on the table, and Event B: The ice cream truck driving past your house at that very moment, is well above 90%.

6) Fictitious Force (aka:  Pseudo Force):  The imaginary science behind those papery swim diapers in which all public pool-goers choose to believe (see also:  The Floating Corn Principle).

7)  Where it pertains to setting up home lemonade stands and fishing, the actual amount of fun had is always .00024 percent of the amount of fun one THINKS they will have.

8)  McDonagal’s Line – The imaginary de-militarized zone between two hostile entities in a backseat, always drawn by someone in the front seat.

9) My childrens’ bodies will persist in their states of rest until I am compelled to change their states by my forces being impressed upon them.

10) The sum of all educational aspects of any field trip location are always less than the whole of some crappy piece of plastic from that location’s gift shop.

~ by mstngsal22 on August 5, 2010.

2 Responses to “The Science, Mathematics and Vocabulary of Summer”

  1. I laughed right out loud at this! If I weren’t such a sucky-baby rule follower, I’d steal it immediately for my own blog. Moms and kids and summer…

    • Ha! Welcome and thanks for the compliment. Steal away, just link back or credit if you would. School, sweet school is but a couple weeks away.

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